My First Time is a column and podcast series exploring sexuality, gender, and kink with the wide-eyed curiosity of a virgin. We all know your “first time” is about a lot more than just popping your cherry. From experimenting with kink to just trying something new and wild, everyone experiences thousands of first times in the bedroom—that’s how sex stays fun, right? I found out I had HIV in a really weird way. My partner at the time became very ill and was rushed to hospital, and it turned out that they had a very serious AIDS-related illness. This was in the early 90s, before HIV medication, when doctors would literally tell you that you were going to die. But I had to be positive for my partner, because they were really ill. I did an HIV test and it came back positive. That was a very tough thing.
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The memory is particularly vivid for Marguerite Donaldson because she was diagnosed on Valentine’s Day. Twenty-nine years ago, in February, after a simple pregnancy blood test, she was told she had HIV. She sat in a Christchurch Hospital room and was told by an infectious disease specialist that she had five years to live, while a counsellor demanded to know the names of men she’d had sex with in the past 10 years. Marguerite Donaldson has lived a healthy life since being diagnosed with HIV in Photo: Supplied.
As she tried to respond to the chaos in the hospital room, her thoughts lingered on her unborn child. She was told the baby would have HIV, and die early. When pressed about her sexual partners, she responded with a couple of names. Her then-partner was ill and his doctors were baffled. After her diagnosis, a test revealed he had AIDS.
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Although this does not mean the HIV has been cured, it does mean that the treatment is working well and so the virus cannot be passed on — even through sex without a condom or childbirth. Donor Damien Rule-Neal was diagnosed with HIV in but was confirmed undetectable after starting treatment some 18 years ago. He said there was still a lack of education among the public in New Zealand about what an undetectable status meant, and that he had experienced stigma about living with HIV in both his work and personal life.
The online sperm bank said it will be made clear to people looking for a donor that they have HIV but are on effective treatment and so cannot pass the virus on. Dr Mark Thomas, an infectious diseases doctor and Auckland University associate professor, said he had seen changes in public opinion after working with those diagnosed with HIV for more than 30 years. As well as informing the public, the online clinic aims to give people diagnosed with the virus the opportunity to create life and to raise awareness that fertility services are available for them.
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A Christchurch nursing assistant who had unprotected sex with men he met on social media without telling them he was HIV-positive has been jailed today for two-and-a-half years. X, 26, admitted criminal nuisance charges by endangering the health of three men between August 15 and October 19 last year despite his HIV diagnosis months earlier. Afterwards, the three victims were tested and cleared of having the infection. When X was arrested, police found that he was also dealing the class A drug methamphetamine.
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